To the person who has my heart,

I know I am a worrywart, I worry about the smallest thing possible and even when I don’t have anything to worry bout I some how find these absurd things and worry about them as well. To be honest in these silliest moments  I don’t really see how menial and stupid these things actually are. It has been so long since we started and today I still get butterflies in my tummy when you hold my hand or kiss my forehead. I hope you understand that all the worrying I do is because I am terrified, terrified of you finding someone better because I am terrified of losing you.

You make me a whole level of different person and I am happy with you, happy with the feeling of being in your arms and just content with the feeling of being in love. You make me feel at home and  I can be myself without worrying of being not liked. You are comfortable to be around and even when I eat a lot or complain every breathing second you make me feel at ease and that is when I look at you, your sexy smile, your dreamy eyes is what scares me the most, scares me that everything might possibly just change and there might not be any happy times for you to remember me by. You make me want to be better and happy and that is what frightened about.

I know that we are okay, and everything is normal from the way we rarely argue and even when we do, its usually me doing it while you calmly deal with it. Or the way how we both can be silly and crazy for a second and serious the next.

In times when I think about you, I still worry at times not because it will help me think less or be brave for the situations that will happen in my head or someway it will make us stronger. To be honest I know deep down in my heart that it is pointless but at times I feel a void in me and I miss you and my heart automatically starts to beat faster and I get that nervous feeling in my chest.

You understood my past and helped me heal and maybe that’s why I cannot even think what it would be if you left. It wouldn’t be the same because there won’t be anyone to give me funny nick-names or to tease me about the little things I do. It wouldn’t be the same if you won’t be there to eat my food or drink my ice tea’s. it wouldn’t be the same without you.

I know I can be difficult and stubborn at times, my antics and endless dramas and worrying will tire you at times but do try to understand that when I don’t tell you what bothers me or when I get upset unpredictably , it is me actually trying to hold you tight, trying to make you see how happy we really are.

And I am trying my best to let you see my feelings rather than saying it out loud because this is who I am. I am best at expressing through my actions than words. When I blurt out I loves you’s at random times or call you just to say HI or even when I hug you unexpectedly all I am trying to say is how much you mean to me. I hope you see that all I am doing is making you see through my perspective and making you feel what I feel.

From the girl whose heart you have.

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2 thoughts on “Unsent letter 2: to the person who has my heart (I)

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